I made the mistake of seeing my ex another time. Yes, as reminded by my friend, I have issues. I don’t know why I want for him and I to be friendly. Perhaps I am trying to wipe away 
the bad memories of him and fill them with good ones. What I realized is that it is not possible.
Once again my ex came to my home and began to pick at me. He even went so far as to insult my choice of work, saying that I am not living to my potential. This is the same man who criticized me for not working, and bashed me for following my dreams. As pointed out to me, he is a hater.
I have said to myself this is enough. The man has not changed. He is not a nice person. He does not deserve my friendship, or anything else. I just pray that I can keep to it. After time, I tend to forget the negative and focus on the positive. That is not advantageous in this situation. I must be strong and clear minded.
Another week in retail hell and I managed to have only one small meltdown. It was a horrible day of morning sales and the customers were on a mission to save every last penny. In some cases there was no way of pleasing them. I did price adjustment, after price adjustment just to get them to be civil to me. This will probably catch up to me if discovered by management.
Some warn me not to be a push over. I never considered myself that. Recently, I have been trying to stay out of conflict and remain even-tempered during stressful situations. Some days it pays off, other times it can be draining.
I’m working six days a week. When I am not working, I am doing my volunteer work. To go from 0 to 60 in a flash has taken it’s emotional toll on me. I’m turning numb and beginning to feel discouraged again.
One of my mentors told me not to stop blogging. With the recent dwindle in numbers, I have to wonder if I still have a following? I know we are all busy this time of year or am I being naïve? I know my writing is good, but the content is not everyone’s cup of tea. I mean how many times are you going to hear me say my ex is out of my life? Without the cubs, I saw I downturn in numbers. That’s okay, I wasn’t planning to be a slut that long, especially for recognition. If you came for spice, you have to settle for mild.
With no potential suitors in site, and a desertion that women are better, I will probably gab about my meaningless retail position. Yes. I’ve given up on women as well! The few that I did have encounters were as dishonest and disrespectful as men. I thought by being with a woman I would find a deeper connection. Instead, I felt like a man, vying for the attention of a stupid tease. There was no advantage. All genders suck in the dating world!
I’m optimistic that I will find a life partner when I am ready. Although I am not ‘out there’ anymore, I will find my way to love and happiness organically. Otherwise, the investment of my new toys will be the best purchase of the year.
Next year will be better. It has to be. 
