I haven’t forgotten about you… There has been so much going on.
First off, my return to the fairgrounds was another flop. When the Himalaya Salt Lamps racked up the sales next to my booth, I knew it was time to throw in the towel. Not to mention, I was threatened and harassed by the owner of a rental company the following day when I voiced some complaints about the hazardous van I was loaned. Note to self: do not try to save money – use a credible company ALWAYS! Yeah, it got so bad I had to call the cops because the owner blocked me in his parking lot. Talk about wacko! Fair karma is no good!
Then I got the retail job. It’s humbling to get paid such a meager wage. I have changed so much that I am optimistic about a job that can’t even produce enough income to support my reoccurring expenses. I remind myself regularly that there are many people who can not find work or pay their bills. I’m proud that I am doing what it takes to get back in the job market. It can only get better, right?
Anyways, I’ve already exploited my employee discount on the first two days maxing out my credit card. I know, I have no willpower when it comes to shopping. That has to be shelved for Bev (my therapist). The last two days I worked 4:00am – 2:00pm. Thank black friday for the OT. It will take the next two weeks to pay off my purchases.
My last day of unemployment I spent making art for myself. I went back to doing what I love, collaging. The first set (late spring) was about my divorce. The second set (early fall)was a commentary of consumerism, vanity, and status. This third set (late fall) has to do with being powerless. I found a great campaign that a female’s hard bound by gold chains. It was a two page spread. It corners the two piece 48″ canvas.
One side deals with drugs, addiction, and escape. The other side deals with sex, debauchery, and using the body to get (imagined) results. I stayed glued on my floor for two days to get the majority of it done. I still have to make a couple more passes of visuals before it’s done, but the foundation is there. I’m really proud of this set. When it is done I am going to ask my friend to photograph them.
This is what art is supposed to be. It has nothing to do with acceptance or numbers, like I have used my blog. It is my expression, and my lack of fear to being real and truthful. The original reason I began this blog.
The time away has reminded me why I am creative. It’s because it is in my blood. No income will justify the reason, although it will help. As long as I keep doing it for myself, I will be okay. Lesson of the day: I’m a broke artist like the majority. I won’t be on The Next Great Artist or Project Accessory. I’m too scattered in skill and focus to have mastery… just yet. I’m working on it. Maybe I won’t achieve it in this life, but like nirvana, I will always try.
Namaste
